Surgery scheduled

I had my appointment with Dr. Smith about removing the cancer.  He said that people with the amount of breast mass I have hardly notice the amount he would have to take out.  He explained how they take a margin around the mass to make sure they got it all.  He talked about the Sentinel Node and how it will be removed during surgery, send straight to Pathology where they will do a quick test, accurate about 60% of the time, to determine if the nodes are positive or negative and whether he should proceed with or stop surgery.  Next Thursday is the soonest he can get me in.  Radiology at 10 am and Surgery at 1 pm. 

I asked Dr. Smith about Rachel.  He said this cancer could have been just a random freak incident but that I could have also passed on a mutated gene to her.  There is a test called BRCA I that tests for the breast cancer gene and one called BRCA II that tests for other mutated genes.  He said I will be given the test when I go to Oncology and if it is positive she will need to have the test as well.  If it’s positive they normally recommend that as soon young women are done having children and nursing them get double mastectomies and have reconstructive surgery.  Their chances of getting breast cancer, if the test is positive, are 87%.  By having a double mastectomy they reduce the chances to 5%.  So, if positive, it’s not a question of if, but when.  Not something I want to have to tell Rachel, but by knowing precautions and extra vigilance will be taken by everyone involved.

Ray and I drove to Rexburg.  I could tell Rachel had been crying.  Nothing is harder than to see your children hurting, especially when you are the one that they are hurting for.  I told her about the BRCA I and BRCA II tests.  She now has one more thing she may have to deal with.

Natasha was at work so we picked up Spencer after he had gotten off of work.  It was so hard to decide when to tell him.  To let him be in that state of innocence for a little longer, thinking that everything is normal and life’s rhythm hasn’t been interrupted.  I finally told him.  He was still, looking at the ground, expressionless.  I asked him if he was okay.  He said he was sorry and he loved me.  I told him if he had any questions to call me or if he needed to talk to call me, their dad, Rachel or Matthew.  They need to be there to help each other at this time. 

I actually slept pretty well on the air mattress.  I think I was just exhausted both physically and mentally.