Today my life became complicated…time to simplify!

Dr. Smith called at 8 am with a diagnosis of breast cancer… Invasive/Infiltrative Ductal Carcinoma.  He said it is very treatable…treatable…that’s a huge word when it comes to cancer!  He probably thought something was wrong with me since I was responding in a very chipper voice.  How are you supposed react when you are told you have cancer?  He asked if I had any questions and I told him I would write any down and ask him at my appointment tomorrow. 

How do you tell your kids you have cancer?  What do you say?  When is the timing right?  Is there ever a right time? 

I told Matthew first.  He had come over to help get his room packed up.  After he was done I told him the doctor had called and said the tests came back positive for cancer.  That the doctor said it was very treatable.  He went pale and was extremely still.  His expression was frozen.  I told him they would go in and remove the lump on my chest and he let out a breath and relaxed.  I asked him if he was okay.  He said he had thought I was talking about him at first.  He had a CT scan on his brain a week or two earlier and the doctors had told him everything was fine and normal, nothing out of the ordinary.  He thought they had called to say they had missed something, that he had brain cancer.  I felt terrible!  Brain cancer would be way worse than breast cancer, especially at his age.  I can just imagine him thinking how his life was going to be dramatically changing.  I felt so selfish for not thinking about what he had been going through when I gave him the news.  He was relieved, but not, when he realized I was talking about myself.  It has been a humorous story that has seemed to make it easier and lighter when I tell others about the cancer.

I wanted to tell my other kids in person so I was going to tell them after my appointment tomorrow when I had all of the information.  Alas, Rachel called and asked what I had found out.  She said she had been awake all night and had been having a very rough day.  I told her if I told her I wanted to tell her in person she would already know the answer.  So, I told her the diagnosis.  Sometimes knowing is not as bad as what you can imagine.  Knowing it is “very treatable” alleviates a lot of fears.  I don’t really remember much of the conversation just the feeling of love and concern she had.

Things are changing quickly.  My plans to go to Washington DC with Ray this summer during his internship have gone up in smoke.  A summer of sightseeing, taking jewelry classes, seeing Ray’s side of the family are not going to happen.  I’ll be staying in Idaho with family during surgery and treatments.  We will still move our things into a storage unit for the summer.  I don’t know if this could have come at a worse or better time.  If I had found this while on the road to DC, how long would I have put off getting it checked?  As fast as the tumor grew, that could have been detrimental.